It’s been a month and I want to discuss my status as promised.
I’m doing better. Less stressed, more stable, and been able to do some writing. I still find myself broadly blocked on TGAB and not able to write at what I consider an industrious pace, just bits and drabbles here and there. My plan is still to resume publication as soon as I feel I can sustain a consistent output, which is not yet. We’ll have to see how it looks for me at that point but as I said before, that may not be on TGAB, if this universe needs more time to rest before I can give its conclusion the attention it deserves.
I’m grateful to everybody for being patient about all this, and most importantly I want to express gratitude to my Patreon backers and the individuals who have sent me donations in the last month. That is my only income and you’re what’s keeping me solvent. I’m really sorry to make you pay for me to in essence take a vacation, and I am resolved to make it up by getting myself back in good enough mental shape to give you the best stories I can when I’m fully back at work.
This has been a very revelatory month for me–productive in at least one sense, even if I wasn’t getting any writing or publishing (to speak of) done. For one thing, I discovered I have basically every common symptom of adult ADD, and learned that the condition is strongly correlated with bipolar disorder, which I’d never heard before. So, good to know, I guess. I’ve been doing a lot more introspection and come to some realizations about my mental condition and patterns, and conclusions about how I need to modify my approach going forward. I don’t want to bog everybody down with tedious navel-gazing, just know that I am actively working on being able to proceed as a writer without having any further episodes like this one.
My current project, which will be my focus for this month, is to write steadily–not to produce lines, at least at first, but with caution and self-analysis, and develop a new understanding of my limits. In essence, I mean to practice regularly and find out how much I can consistently produce without straining my mental faculties again, then see if that amount changes as I continue to benefit from resting my burned-out circuits.
At this point, I’m still very much shooting in the dark despite my increased self-awareness, because the biggest problem with functioning as a mentally ill person is the human mind isn’t wired for self-analysis, and it’s prohibitively hard to suss out what’s going on under the hood. I’ve gained a new insight into what’s happened in the past, but can’t predict very well how things will develop in the future.
My current plan is to be back at work by January. Maybe by Christmas, I’d like being able to make that goal at least. I don’t want to either procrastinate or push too hard, and it’ll be tricky to find that balance, but I will continue to be in touch about any changes, developments or insights as they happen. For now, I still need more time to recuperate and also understand my limits better so as to be able to proceed consistently once I’m back in full swing.
I appreciate all of you. Thanks for reading; I really hope you’ve enjoyed the last few years of fantasy adventures and I fully intend to provide many more to come.