16 – 15

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The group which set out from the townhouse, in the end, was six strong. Only Darling and Trissiny were specifically needed for their planned business at the Temple of Avei; of the rest, only Rasha had a personal stake in the outcome. The other three apprentices, though, had clamored to come along, what with the alternative being essentially to twiddle their thumbs at home. Glory, having spent years laboriously building a web of connections centered on her own house, by far preferred to conduct business from the middle of it—especially, as she smugly reminded them, now that she had a flock of apprentices to do her bidding. As Trissiny was glad to spend time with her old friends again and Darling had opined that even apprentice thieves would be handy to have around, that settled the matter.

Their plans were thoroughly de-Railed almost the moment they all reached the sidewalk.

“Look alive,” Tallie said from a bit ahead of the group as they all clustered outside the gate. “We’ve got a… Wait, is that Flora?”

The figure approaching was just distant enough to be a confusing sight, before they recognized the slim, blonde elf surrounded by her black cloak, billowing amorphously in the winter breeze, one hand upraised to wave at them as she came forward at a near-run.

“It is,” Darling said tersely, pushing past Tallie to meet the oncoming elf. “Flora! What happened to Fauna? Is she okay? Are you okay?”

Flora slowed, lowering her hand and frowning quizzically with her head tilted as she entered conversational range. “What? Of course. Two people can cover more ground when they…y’know, cover more ground. I’m fine, she’s fine, I just came here looking for you.”

“You’re sure?”

At that, she scowled outright. “Is it seriously a cause for panic to see me alone? Surely you didn’t think we were biologically connected at the hip.”

Darling paused, then turned to Trissiny and the others, raising his eyebrows. “Well, gee, I dunno, why don’t we ask the jury? Kids, did you think they were connected at the hip?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Maybe not biologically…”

“Man, you look weird on your own. Kinda lopsided. Were you always that tall?”

“All right, yeah, fine, you’re all hilarious,” Flora huffed. “Believe it or not, I didn’t run across town to enjoy your awkward comedy stylings. I’m glad I caught you, and still together. Thorn, Sweet, there’s been an incident you two in particular are gonna want to come see to.”

“Oh, so I guess our original plan is just yow!”

Trying to trot around the group so he could address Flora more directly, Darius abruptly lost his footing and ended up flat on his back in the slush filling the gutter.

“Darius!” Layla exclaimed, kneeling beside him. “Are you all right?”

“I’ve just had an important realization,” he said, staring at the overcast sky. “People who are not elves should not run on ice.”

“Seriously, kid, leave it to the professionals,” Flora said, visibly unimpressed. “Your slapstick isn’t any better than your wordplay.”

“Can you elaborate, maybe?” Trissiny asked. “What kind of incident are we talking about?”

“Well, first things first,” Flora replied, grinning. “Nobody panic, everyone’s all right. Even the dog.”


Trissiny summoned her armor during the trip across the city, and it was immediately useful upon arriving. A Bishop and the Hand of Avei got a lot of leeway in most places, and the pair of them were able to get deep into a police barracks based on rank alone, though they discovered upon reaching the crowded conference room which was apparently the whole debacle’s center of operations that rank only got so far.

“What the hell is all this now?” demanded the tall woman who seemed to be in charge, a gray-haired soldier wearing a captain’s insignia. “Who do you—actually, no, I don’t care. All of you, clear out. None of this is any of your business.”

“Excuse me, Captain,” Trissiny said mildly, “but I think I outrank you.”

That did not help.

“And I think,” the captain retorted, glaring, “my youngest kid is older than you, Avelea, and has more experience in actual soldiering. Your Imperial rank is honorary, and a courtesy for when there’s a dragon that needs slaying, which is the opposite of what’s going on here. As if it wasn’t bad enough to have half my station tied up in what should’ve been a simple snatch-and-grab case report, I’m now up to my stripes in Guild laywers, Falconer lawyers, Madouri lawyers, and just before you came, an official communique from this goddamn Elven Confabulation!”

“Confederacy,” a younger soldier holding a clipboard corrected softly. The captain made a slashing motion at him with one hand, her attention still fixed on Trissiny.

“I don’t know what stake the Sisterhood thinks it has in this, but go tell them to think otherwise, General. The absolute last thing I need right now is you stomping around. And if you have an issue with my failure to yield to your rank, feel free to take it up with my superiors. Go get a head start on the paperwork while I deal with this.”

Trissiny blinked once, then swept her eyes quickly around the various people in the room. The captain and her apparent aide were the only two Imperial soldiers present. Shaeine and Teal sat in chairs at the table, the former looking regal and aloof as she tended to when displeased, the latter holding F’thaan in her lap; the hellhound’s ears perked up when he looked at Trissiny, but otherwise he appeared mostly nervous, leaning heavily into Teal. The rest of the individuals already there were in suits, and apparently where the aforementioned lawyers, only one of whom she recognized.

“Madouri lawyers?” Trissiny asked finally. The captain outright bared teeth at her choice to ask questions rather than leave, but Teal piped up before an argument could break out.

“Somebody informed Ravana, who has more of a stake in this than I expected,” she explained, soothingly stroking F’thaan’s head. “Apparently she’s got an established relationship with the Thieves’ Guild. So does my family. Neither of us should’ve been targeted by the Guild.”

“I see. And which…”

“Yo.” The most disheveled of the three attorneys raised one hand, grinning at her. “Your gal pals here have a dispensation from House Madouri to be keeping that hellhound, so obviously there are questions of jurisdiction when they bring it into Tiraas but the order is still valid, because I’m here to make it valid if anybody wants to pick a fight. And just look at you! Hand of Avei, that’s the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen. You still hanging out with those chuckleheads? Where’s the fat guy?”

“Hello, Ms. Savaraad,” Trissiny said patiently. “I didn’t know you worked for House Madouri.”

“I’ve done work for the Duchess and the Guild, hence my being here.”

“Isn’t that a conflict of interest?” Tallie piped up.

“Would be if they were at cross-purposes, but her Ladyship’s position is that this unprovoked insult by the Thieves’ Guild is clearly some kind of misunderstanding and I’m here to make sure it’s all resolved amicably on all sides.” Bird managed to make the sentence both cloyingly sweet and bitterly sarcastic.

“That doesn’t seem like your specialty,” Tallie observed.

“Who the hell are you people?” the captain bellowed.

“Oh, don’t mind us!” Darius said, raising his hands. “We’re just the Paladin Pity Squad, here because the General felt bad about ditching us to handle business.”

Darling laid a hand on his shoulder, leaning over to murmur, “A police station’s not the worst place to get a chip on your shoulder, son, but it’s in the top five.”

“This is Bishop Darling, from the Guild,” Trissiny explained in a deliberately calm tone. “He has enough rank with them to give orders, and is very skilled at smoothing things over.”

“Consider me at your disposal, Captain,” Darling said, inclining his head courteously. “We are sorry to just descend on you in the middle of this, but I promise you we’re here to lessen your headaches, not add to them. And this lot are Guild apprentices, who don’t strictly need to be involved. They can fetch tea, and otherwise stash themselves somewhere out of the way.”

Surprisingly, the captain seemed somewhat mollified by that. “Well, finally. Someone with pull and sense. That doesn’t explain your interest in this,” she added, turning the force of her glare back on Trissiny.

“Also here to help,” she said. “I agree with Savaraad and the Bishop: this needs to be calmed down, not kicked further.”

“Uh huh. And you can just wave your magic sword and make that happen?”

“Maybe not that simply,” she acknowledged, smiling, “but I bet I can get them to talk.”

The captain narrowed her eyes again. “Of all the problems I’ve got right now, him talking is the least urgent.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, I was briefed on the move getting here. You’ve got two Guild thieves who used an infernal weapon, which means you very much need to find out where that came from and plug the source. This job was bungled, but they were obviously working with some inside information to know where and how to hit their targets, and considering those targets and the fact that the thing failed—really, couldn’t have succeeded—there’s at least a possibility this is all politically motivated. If Intelligence isn’t breathing down your neck to suss out who set this in motion, they will be within the hour. And since these guys are Guild, they’ve been cooperating up to a point but refusing to yield any information. Am I more or less right?”

Though her eyes were still narrowed, by the end of that the captain’s expression was more thoughtful than angry. “And you think you can get answers, is that right?”

“No guarantees, but I believe so.”

“Paladin,” she warned, “if you think you’re going to come into my station and beat up a prisoner—”

“I said get answers, not a confession,” Trissiny interrupted. “I’m assuming we want accurate intel and not desperate fabrications, right? Nobody professional uses torture to get information.” She glanced over at Darling, who nodded once in encouragement. “I know the right questions to ask a Guild thief, Captain, and I think hearing them from me in this armor will make your boys reconsider the position they’re in.”

“Boy, singular,” the captain grunted. “I’ve got the bag man in lockup. Your friends here did a real number on the driver. Healers tell me he should pull through just fine, but not before spending some time in the hospital.”

Trissiny looked over at them, frowning in concern. “You okay, Teal?”

“Mrs. Falconer is the victim, here,” one of the lawyers interjected, “and is under no obligation to answer questions to law enforcement.”

“She’s a friend, not law enforcement,” Teal said with a sigh.

“Ma’am, given the role she is taking here and your own—”

“That will do,” Shaeine stated, quiet but utterly implacable. The attorney clamped his mouth shut, giving the drow an openly annoyed look from behind.

“I’m not having a great day, Triss,” Teal said wryly, “but it could be a lot worse. F’thaan’s okay, and we’re both unharmed. If you think you can help settle all this mess, I’d be grateful.”

“House Madouri’s in favor of this,” Bird said cheerfully. “The Duchess has the utmost confidence in General Avelea. She filed a brief about it and everything.”

“My clients are not,” snapped the remaining lawyer, who by process of elimination had to represent the Thieves’ Guild. “I object to—”

“No, you don’t!” Darling exclaimed, raising both hands in a pacifying gesture. “It’s fine. General Avelea is known and trusted by the Guild. She is not going to mistreat our people or break any laws. Getting all this straightened out quickly is in everyone’s best interest. We’re not throwing anybody under the wheels here.”

The Guild lawyer studied him suspiciously for a moment, then grudgingly nodded, apparently already familiar with Darling’s position. “Objection withdrawn.”

“Well,” the captain said resignedly, “I guess it’s not like you can make this any worse. All right, Avelea, you get a shot. I will be watching, though, and I don’t want to see any funny business. This is an Imperial Army station, not an Avenist temple.”

“I don’t really do funny business,” Trissiny said solemnly, pointing over her shoulder with her thumb at Tallie, Darius, Rasha and Layla. “Ask them, they’ll tell you.”


Like most government structures in the city, the station itself was centuries old, but the interrogation room was obviously a modern renovation, complete with one of the newest features in police work which Murgatroyd Fedora had boasted was one of his inventions: a wall of glass enchanted to be a simple mirror from this side, but transparent from the other and blocking sound in only one direction. Behind it would be the captain and whoever else she judged needed to be privy to the ensuing conversation.

The thief sat on one side of the table to which his wrist manacles were chained, looking slumped and annoyed but not particularly cowed. He looked up when the door opened, and his eyebrows shot upward in surprise at the sight of Trissiny in her silver armor, but just as quickly his expression closed down again. He just stared at her as she pulled out the other chair and sat down across from him.

“So, it’s Rake, right?” she inquired. “Where are you from?”

His eyebrows drew together slightly, but he said nothing.

“I ask because I was told there was a guy tagged Rake here in Tiraas a couple of years ago, but apparently he got into some bad business with the Imperial government and ended up dead. Bishop Darling tells me there’s more recently a Rake operating out of Madouris. That you?”

“You talked to the Bishop?” he asked finally.

“Yep. The thing about that is, if you work in Madouris, you’re under Pizzazz. Right?”

Rake squinted at her in silence.

“And everybody in Madouris should know that the Falconers are strictly hands off,” she continued, holding his gaze. “Have been since Underboss Rogue’s time, and Pizzazz has upheld that. You could maybe argue that doesn’t hold here in Tiraas, but I’ve never met an Underboss who had a lot of patience for rules lawyering.”

“You meet a lot of Guild Underbosses?” he asked.

“A few,” she said noncommittally. “So, Rake. Whose big idea was this job?”

His face went blank again.

“Here’s the thing,” Trissiny continued, folding her gauntleted hands atop the table. “I’m sure you remember the big flaming demon who demolished you when you tried to kidnap her pet.”

He twitched.

“Her name is Vadrieny. Ever heard of—ah, I see you’re fairly well read. Yes, that Vadrieny, the Ravager of the Third Hellwar, last living daughter of Elilial. It’s a very long story, but she is currently incorporeal and sharing the body of the Falconer heiress. This isn’t a secret, you understand, just something those in power have not encouraged to get around. Anybody connected enough to set up this job and prep you for it would have been aware of that. So quite apart from the fact that they sent you to piss off arguably the most murderous creature in existence, who you never had the slightest chance of escaping from, you—a representative of Eserion—just broke the historic truce between Elilial and the Pantheon. So, good job on that.”

Rake swallowed heavily.

“In more local news,” Trissiny went on, “the other owner of that dog is the daughter of the Matriarch of the Narisian noble family who handles Tar’naris’s diplomacy. Yeah, you attacked a diplomat, which by itself would be grounds for the Throne to offer your head to Tar’naris on a plate in appeasement. But somehow, you arranged for that to not even be the worst part, since you pulled this job right as this Confederacy thing is kicking off, relations between the Empire and the elves are tense and very uncertain, and nobody has any patience for shenanigans. This is when you chose to commit a major diplomatic provocation.”

He had gone almost white, but still said nothing.

“Shaeine and Teal are personal friends of mine,” she stated evenly. “I have petted that dog. So yes, Rake, I won’t lie: I kind of want to punch you until your whole face is concave, let me just admit that up front. But I want to reassure you that I’m not going to do that. Even in the worst case scenario, if you continue to be obstreperous, you’re not going to get any further grief from me. You know the Guild’s codes on revenge. Beating you up wouldn’t solve any problems or make me feel better, and definitely won’t serve to discourage another incident like this, since we both know you’re not the one who had the bright idea in the first place.”

“You’re…pretty well-informed about Guild stuff,” Rake said warily. “Wait, is it true you infiltrated the apprentices last year?”

“Please don’t make me remind you who’s asking the questions here, Rake,” Trissiny said pleasantly. “That is just such a drizzt.”

He blinked in confusion.

“I think it’s better, in cases like this, to deal in positive reinforcement. So in fact, Rake, I’m going to offer to do what I can to protect you from the multiple world powers you’ve just pissed off. Right now you’ve got House Madouri, Falconer Industries, Imperial Intelligence and the Elven Confederacy wanting a piece of your hide. That would be pushing well beyond the bounds of what the Guild can protect you from just by itself, but taking into account the fact you just undercut Pizzazz’s authority by flouting the rule against ripping off the Falconers—and come on, that was a company carriage you robbed—odds are very good you’re not going to get even that much protection.”

“I don’t need—” He caught himself mid-sentence, clamping his mouth shut again.

“Don’t need Pizzazz to back you up?” she finished, watching him carefully. “Well, you must be pretty confident in your backer, then. Confident they can shield you from…well, do you really need me to recite the list again?”

Rake’s eyes darted from one side of the room to the other, settling for a moment on the mirrored wall and then back on her face.

“You should really think about this, though,” Trissiny added in a mild tone. “Your backer sent you right into Vadrieny’s claws. Considering how much intel you obviously had to plan this job? I’d say it’s even odds whether they just didn’t know what the stakes here were…or deliberately sent you to die like a stray dog in the street. Functionally, Rake, it doesn’t really matter, does it? That’s someone who either can’t protect you, or just isn’t going to bother. I think you really need my protection right now.”

She let the silence hang for a moment while he slumped lower in his chair.

“But for that, I’m going to need a name.”

He swallowed again.

“Jasper, too.”

“Excuse me?”

“My partner. They had to take him to the healers. If I tell you who sent us, you have to promise you’ll look after him, too.”

“You have my word,” she said, nodding her head once. “What I can do, I will.”

Rake fidgeted for a moment, grimaced, and then burst out, “It was Tricks!”

Trissiny blinked once, slowly, and then shook her head. “Rake. I believe I made it fairly clear that I don’t actually like you that much, correct? I am still willing to help you, but not out of the goodness of my heart; you need to help me first. Telling me fairy tales isn’t helping me.”

“I swear to you,” he babbled, “it was Boss Tricks himself who sent us. That’s the only reason we were willing to go after a Falconer target—yeah, we know about Pizzazz’s deal with the Duchess and FI, only the Boss himself can overrule that! Tricks didn’t just give us permission, this was his whole idea. He planned it, every step, had us rehearse it till he was satisfied we could pull it off.”

“Boss Tricks,” Trissiny said flatly, “does not pull half-assed schemes or make wildly stupid mistakes. He definitely doesn’t throw away the lives of Guild members to make some kind of point. That rules out every explanation for Tricks being behind this, which leaves me to conclude that you’re wasting my time.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Rake exploded, desperation audible in his voice. “I don’t have explanations! Gods help me, I trusted the bastard—we both did, or we wouldn’t have done this. I will swear on anything you want—I’ll go under with a mind-priest or take truth potion. I’m not lying, paladin! This wasn’t our idea. This job was a sanctioned Guild operation!”

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30 thoughts on “16 – 15

  1. Oh shit. The plot thickens. Lawyer banter is great!

    Trissiny is going to protect them, that’s cute of her 🙂 helping idiots who were duped. Specially when it seems someone disguised themselves as Tricks (possibly).

    Liked by 3 people

    1. While it technically isn’t impossible that it’s tricks, it is pretty unlikely.

      It would be a bigger twist for it to be true then false, basically. Though that itself might be a reason to think about it, on a narrative level.

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      1. Tricks is known for using costumes, maybe someone managed to impersonate him somehow? Still would imply a deep level of infiltration into the guild, but since the major benefactor of this thing is Justinian…

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  2. I suspect that the Pope have had a use of the services of Elials other daughter that he rescued post temporarily recently. I guess she shares the shapechanging ability’s of a succubus so she could impersonate Tricks and for her to make infernal tools is trivial.
    Or he may already have a tame succubi for all I knew.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. He’s got a whole organization of holy summoners, and probably can ask or trade favours from people in the Topaz College since the Salyrites definitely have not split from the church (yet?). There’s no need to reach for one of his deep, dark, secrets that would be embarrassing or worse to reveal when there’s a wealth of easier, cheaper, and less suspicious assets he could’ve used instead, and probably without an embarrassing paper trail too. Dude’s loaded with odd assets to the point it isn’t even an ass-pull to have him cough up most things short of a modern fire-team or battalion.

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  3. Hmm. Tricks HAS been spotted acting weirdly before, or at least I distinctly remember that – having questions about what the FUCK is he thinking about one thing or another. Options:
    – Eserion is compromised through Justinian’s tricks, and left hand isn’t aware of what the right hand is doing. Tricks is carrying out his orders and it is, on the whole, pretty fucking bad;
    – Eserion has a plan and Tricks is carrying out his orders that SEEM weird as shit, but actually have a point, although even Tricks himself might not know what it is;
    (Note: from Tricks’s perspective, the two options above are functionally indistinguishable)
    – Tricks has a plan – this option is functionally indistuinguishable from the immediately previous one from the perspective of onlookers, but it’s Tricks who came up with it, not Eserion;
    – Tricks is compromised, one way or another.

    And, of course, there’s the option that this is not Tricks at all, but I don’t think THAT one is very likely.

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    1. It’s more likely than you think for that to be a fake Tricks if this is a more prosaic attack on the coordination and authority of the Thieves’ Guild than god-hacking. In Justinian’s shoes I’d try to go for the option that doesn’t make everyone suspicious of what he’s done to all the pantheon, because that’s one of his dirtiest secrets. It’s not like he lacks for options to do it with either, there’s definitely shapechanging demons to use for that sort of thing, probably fairies too.

      More broadly it’s beginning to look like we’re dealing with a determined effort by Justinian to undermine authority and instigate infighting in his two problem-religions in a mirror of what happened to the Shaathists. It’s a good move if your objective ultimately means destroying all the religions, which it could well be.

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    2. Considering the shape changing abilities of succubi/incubi I think it is highly likely that it was an impostor rather than Tricks himself. It makes more sense to me if the daughter of Elilial that Justinian just saved has shape changing abilities and was directed by him to do this to “get back” at her sister. This chaos does much to destabilize things, make Teal/Vadrieny look bad, postpone Trissiny from dealing with the Purists, and drive a wedge between the Guild and everyone else. Just too many benefits for Justinian for this not to have been orchestrated by him somehow.

      I know you mentioned Justinian compromising Eserion and giving Tricks orders in bad faith through him but I don’t think Justinian can do that. The power over the gods Justinian has demonstrated so far is strictly preventing them from being able to think clearly about him. If they try to put their attention on him they go to la-la land thinking he’s the greatest guy ever.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. We’ve never seen any reason why Justinian can’t do that. We also do know he can do things comparably as bad, and maybe worse than using the gods as puppets outright. Perhaps Justinian could do it all along, and the reason why he hasn’t before now is because of the risk that the Avenists or Eserites figure it out and stop him. If he’s getting really close to achieving his ultimate goal this might be the time to act more openly and start using his trump cards.

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  4. Despite depressive episodes, Webb writes the funnies like a boss. I like to picture him slyly grinning as he types.

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  5. It just occurred to me that it’s remotely possible that Eserion could have ordered this apparent idiocy because there’s no way to cover it up, and it’s likely to remain in the public consciousness for a while (at least the bit about Vadrieny in the middle of Tiraas). Which means it’s something that exposes one of Elilial’s daughters as being alive and [i]not[/i] under Justinian’s control in a way that the other daughters will be able to readily verify from almost anyone.

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  6. Looks like Darling is going have a busy few days. The situation with the purists, this botched guild job and the emperors baby all landing on him at once.

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  7. This week’s free chapter will be Wednesday again. I’m doing pretty well in fact; had a bad depressive episode over the weekend, but it seems to’ve finally broken the long downswing and I think I’m moving into an up phase. Those are always very productive. Really wrecked my sleep pattern though and I’m too groggy to work effectively. So, see you Wednesday.

    Don’t forget A Practical Guide to Evil returns from its hiatus tonight; be sure not to miss that.

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    1. Is there a study guide to PGTE? I took a break for a couple months awhile ago, and when I came back the new chapters extremely detailed descriptions of strategic-level troop movements and I just couldn’t remember why any of it was important so I put the story down. This was after Cat went underground and got the Silver-eyed elves (drow?) on her side, and she had just found out that her teacher had been captured.

      A map with notes on the important parts would be nice, you kind of have to have the continent memorized to understand it. I couldn’t even remember the basic layout of their continent!

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      1. When I read those parts I never really felt the need (or that there would be much of a point) to plot out the force movements on a map. The personalities and their agendas was the real key to figuring out what was going on, but even that wasn’t enough information to really get it. I’m not sure how intentional it was, but I’d say it managed to present the “fog of war” in a multi-lateral conflict on foreign ground with unknown enemy objectives.

        If I had to make just one criticism of it, I’d say that it made a mistake by having opposing forces with complex and subtle plans that actually worked. Real life is a clusterfuck of SNAFU because the world is too large and complicated for any so-called leader to ever fully know and understand what’s going on in any situation more complicated than a drinking contest.

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      2. “Real life is a clusterfuck of SNAFU because the world is too large and complicated for any so-called leader to ever fully know and understand what’s going on in any situation more complicated than a drinking contest.”

        However, the world of PGTE is driven by stories, which means that a well-designed plan has a lot more momentum in favor of working, especially if the people on the other side don’t see it coming.

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      3. @Tohron
        You’re right. It’s absolutely true of the setting that it privileges dramatic reveals, reversals, and so on, to make leaders more interesting because of the way the world works in bending both for and against the “named.” It probably also does so for other beings of comparative narrative focus, described with, “weight,” in the setting. On top of that I expect it’s part of the setting that narrative conservation of detail additionally supports the importance of leaders, so that the persistent characters who interact with named are more interesting.

        All of the above are still features of human relations that reality doesn’t have though, and are dangerous ideas to believe of humanity in the real world: The, “great person theory of history,” is known to be invoked as rhetorical cover for real world over-privilege, incompetence and injustice.

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  8. So, what are the possibilities here?

    1) It’s really Tricks, and he’s making a play, or Eserion told him to do it. Basically “it’s all good, we just don’t understand why yet”.
    2) It’s really Tricks, but he’s been compromised somehow.
    3) Someone impersonated Tricks, either by shapeshifting, illusion, or just a really good disguise.
    4) Someone implanted false memories in Rake/Jasper making them think Tricks told them to do this.

    Justinian could be behind any of the last 3. Mind magic is divine magic in this world, right? Who’s got more divine magic than Justinian?

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